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What are beliefs?
The word belief is tremendously discussed around in so many conversations, books, various inspirational talks and more& But, what are beliefs? Views, opinions, guiding principles, judgments, interpretations, actions, behaviors, decisions or even ideas we hold as true about ourselves and about the world or people around us, eventually form our beliefs system. An eloquent quote by Robert Bolton summarizes the meaning of beliefs, where they come from, and the strong impact they have on our lives. He said: A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses; it is an idea that possesses the mind .
Where do beliefs come from?
We are the reflective image of our beliefs; how we act, behave, self-talk, react or pro-act clearly reveal how we are affected by our own beliefs. Most of our beliefs, whether positive or negative, were formed during the very early years (zero to seven) of our childhood; consequently they are the result of how we were initially raised.
What we used to hear at home or even at school, expressions like you can do better, you are not good enough, you dont deserve that, you dont deserve this, youre too short, youre not creative, you are not good at that etc& , eventually labeled us since our childhood and we believed them just like we believed our names.
Unless we stimulate this inner will to change those beliefs, recognize every little effort we put and acknowledge the progress, instead of always seeking excellence as an end-result, they will always be carried inside of us, inside of our subconscious mind, and will always make us feel as such. About change, Robin Sharma says: Every change is hard at the beginning, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end. If its not hard its not real change .
Since the day we were born, we were indirectly programmed, but fortunately, we can change that. Today, Coaching is the re-programing tool, and this time maybe forever, allowing the coachee to transform their frame of mind in order to once again, believe in their inner power and their worth. And yes it is doable. It is doable thru awakening this inside-will, this power, this revolution, this wind of change, this breaking free, this unleashing ones self from their old self.
It is like putting this huge energy we carry inside towards changing the way we were taught to perceive ourselves. As Rock Thomas once said: The most powerful force in a humans psyche is how we describe ourselves to ourselves . Only then, we become resourceful and capable of doing what we always thought was impossible to achieve. We DO possess inside of us the power to change so we become who we want to be. With a positive and powerful belief system, there will be no limit to what one can achieve in life.
On a side note, and as a mother, I have so much invested in reading books like Tout se joue avant six ans by Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson and many other parenting articles, to properly raise my children and as a result, I ended up investing in my self-growth as well.
I filtered my words and chose the right constructive ones while communicating with them. I gave enough time to listen to their ideas and made space for their creative thinking to further develop. I carefully listened to the way they expressed themselves, and to their choice of words when they talk about themselves. Allowing them to fail and making them positively accept failure as another trial, spreading the proper energy, never judging them, and treating them as a whole, a creative and independent creature; all was the strong foundation on which they built positive beliefs about themselves and the world around. A confident and happy child will eventually grow up to become a successful happier adult.
How do they impact us?
Stored since they were formed in the subconscious mind, beliefs control the conscious mind and how it operates. The latter always looks for evidence to prove the former as true. Once we believe something is true, counter examples are no longer valid and the mind then only accepts what supports that same belief.
Our beliefs can either push us to become the best version of ourselves, pave our way to success, or negatively influence our way forward, making us prisoners of our own thoughts and old learnings. They can fill us with the motivation, confidence, and tenacity to take action; or the self-doubt, self-sabotage, and hesitancy to do whatsoever. They can strengthen our capabilities or dissolve them.
Negative beliefs, known as limiting beliefs in the coaching language, enormously affect our behavior, limit our potential and can prevent us from growing and pursuing our dreams. They block us from taking any step closer to where we want to be. They can affect us to an extent that we might no longer recognize ourselves without this particular belief or thought. We refuse to get rid of our old beliefs; we refuse to step out of this comfort zone, because negative/limiting beliefs, even when they dont serve us, provide us with a certain security.
We say in other terms, beliefs shape our reality and can affect our selfconfidence as well. For example, if an employee thinks theyre not worthy of a promotion (negative belief), they will become demotivated. This will alter their behavior and hinder their performance, which will also indirectly affect the way their supervisor perceives them; so no matter how hard they work, they just wont get promoted. Therefore, we are invited at any period of time during our growth process to question our beliefs; awareness is the key. Sir John Whitmore wrote: I am able to control only that which I am aware of. That of which I am unaware of controls me. Awareness empowers me.
In the world of coaching, we as coaches are invited first and foremost to pay attention to our beliefs and thoughts. Only when we learn to properly identify our own, will we be able to help our clients overcome theirs. The control is in ourselves. According to Kelly McGonigal, in her book The Willpower Instinct : Self control is like a muscle. It gets tired from use, but regular exercise makes it stronger .
Through awareness and through improving the quality of our thinking, together with understanding the core principle that has created a certain belief, we learn to replace old limiting beliefs with new empowered ones. We become then able to take control of our old pattern of behavior, and to free ourselves from any negative thoughts and negative life experiences we have been thru.
Mindfulness of our reaction and of our thinking system is another key to overcoming limiting beliefs. One should as well notice the feeling associated with those old beliefs and evaluate them to be able to replace them with new empowered ones. Ask yourself if those beliefs make you feel good or bad, and then condition yourself to keep those that make you feel good about yourself.
We have to come to terms with the fact that if we are able to take what life gives us, and find an empowering meaning, then we can transform our quality of life. Choosing consciously what things mean to us, and our new empowered beliefs together with resulting actions will help us reach our fullest potential. Rock Thomas once ended a speech by saying: The words that follow I am follow you.
Conclusion
We are what we think we are said Socrates. Consciously or not, our actions result from our beliefs and from our thinking system. It is neither about the external events that control our lives, nor the environment that makes us who we are. It is not what happens to us in our lives that make us who we are, instead, it is how we choose to react to these events or experiences, and it is about the significance and importance we give to them. It is all about our perception and interpretations, that define who we are and who we want to become.
References
- Robert Bolton – https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/508009-a-belief-is-not-merely-an-idea-the-mind-possesses
- Robin Sharma Leadership Expert & Personal Growth Author
- Rock Thomas How to change the way you see yourself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IH0digwjds
- Coaching for Performance 5th Edition – Sir John Whitmore Published by Nicholas Brealey – 2017
- The Willpower Instinct Kelly McGonigal Published by the Penguin Group USA – 2013
- Rock Thomas How to change the way you see yourself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IH0digwjds
- https://www.azquotes.com/quote/1359832
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