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Making your message heard
You can reduce the number of power struggles that you experience by learning how to communicate effectively with your child. Here are some important tips to keep in mind:
- Do a sound check first. Make sure that you have your childs undivided attention before you make a request or start issuing instructions. Barking out orders from the next room doesnt cut it. Not only do you increase the odds that youll be ignored, but by communicating in a less-than-respectful manner, you undercut your credibility as a parent.
- Use eye contact to your advantage. Get in the habit of establishing eye contact with your child before you communicate an important message. Its much more difficult for your child to tune you out (or, alternatively, to claim after the fact that she didnt hear what you were saying!) if youre looking her straight in the eye the entire time youre speaking. You can also pick up some immediate cues about whether or not your message is sinking in and/or likely to meet with some hefty resistance. (Hint: Heavy-duty eyerolling is seldom a positive sign!)
- Keep your instructions simple and to the point. If your child is very young or your message is quite complex and youre concerned that your child may not necessarily have grasped all the important details, ask your child to summarize what youve said. If your child is missing some key points, youll know you need to go over some of those points again.
- Dont get in the habit of turning statements into questions. You undercut your parenting credibility by routinely tagging Okay? on to the end of each instruction you give your child. By doing so, you turn each statement into a question. If you say, Its bedtime, okay? youre basically asking your childs permission to send her to bed! Watch out for the why trap. Although theres nothing wrong with providing your child with a simple explanation for a particular parenting decision
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